My NotSoSuperhero
by Lord Fluffs-a-lot
Summary: Being a hero sucks. Big time. No one really appreciates you, and did I mention that bad guys tend to me EXTREMELY hot?


**Ehhh, I just took a math test AND I THINK I BOMBED IT!!! My head hurts so much… I needed corniness. Like, superhero corniness. Yup. Oh, and before you freak out Sakura is "Archer" in this story.**

**Don't ask why; I just never got around to mentioning her real name.**

OoO~OoO

_Being a superhero is a real pain-in-the-youknowwhat. You're not paid, you have to keep up a damned fake personality even though just telling everyone you're the Archer would get you so many cool things, and bad guys tend to be the hottest._

_See what I have to put with?_

_Yeah, we, superheroes, are defiantly underappreciated and underpaid. _

_Besides, being a girl superhero can be extra tough. Fighting all the time can mean nooo time for relationships whatsoever. _

_That totally sucks._

_Common sense over love, duh._

_Well, most of the time. You know what I mean._

OoO~OoO

I tensed, my arrow quivering in its bow. It's completely dark, the only source of light streaming from the stars and the occasional lamp post.

There! I saw the darken figure pass underneath the artificial light, something heavy being carried in a backpack behind him. Silver hair flashed at me, and then disappears into the blackness.

I increased the flow chakara into my eyes. Almost immediately, the whole night scene brightens and I see the man slink into a corner. Throwing the bow over my shoulder, I leap off of the building and rebound off of a brick wall.

_Retard, _I mentally smirk. _Dark allies are a big no-no when capturing bad guys. Haven't you ever watched Batman?_

I brushed pink hair out of my eyes, scanning the area. Nothing stirring except the occasional street cat. I pushed my leg harder.

I snuck past the corner and peer in, my increased sense of vision allowing me to spy on him. He dropped the pack and pulled out a cell phone from his pocket, his back turned to me. I couldn't make out his features, except for his short silver hair and tall, lean, and presumably muscular frame. He was clothed in all black. Bored, I stepped out.

"Haven't you ever heard of saying 'please' before you take anything?" I slipped the bow off of my shoulder and materialized a poisoned arrow out of the air. He gasped and whirled on me.

He was, to my shock, surprisingly hot. He possessed otherworldly purple eyes, narrowed into question marks. I guessed him to be in his early twenties, despite the silver hair. His face was flawless.

_Why do bad guys have to be so damned hot? _I thrust that stupid though aside and pulled the string back. Chakara swirled at my fingers.

"Fuck."

"What?" I pulled my eyebrows together.

The man pulled his lips back in a wide grin, blinding me with his pearly teeth.

"I thought that fuckin' superheroes were supposed to be guys."

I flew into rage, my hands glowing.

"Don't give me shit! I can kill you now, you know!"

He laughed and put his hands up in mock defeat. I let my arrow fly with a twang; it drew a shallow scratch across his cheek. The smile was wiped off of his face.

"Damn girl, you're hot as hell! Do all ya'll superheroes wear that?"

He cackled again, and I smashed my head against the wall, creating a mini-explosion. I had begged Kakashi back at the headquarters to give me something that I could easily run and maneuver in. This morning, he had produced a two-pieced set: a pink top outlined in green that only covered my boobs, and tight, black pants that reached my knees. To cover that, he gave me this skirt-thing that was open in the front, but scraped against my ankles in the back. It was also the same Pepto Bismol color as my hair.

I felt my face redden; I was going to slaughter Kakashi when I got back.

"Shut up!"

"You know, you're fuckin' sexy when your face turns red. I find it rather cute."

Another arrow flew and drew an identical scratch on his other cheek. Still, this didn't faze him. That same, wide, face splitting grin grew, and I, shamefully, found it cute.

I decided to end it. Pulling another arrow out of the air, I loaded my bow. Suddenly, before I could reach for it, the man disappeared. I gasped.

A flash of silver, and he was suddenly two inches from my face. My instincts told me to punch him, but he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind me. He simply plucked the bow out of my hand and waved it in front of my face.

I screamed in frustration and tried to worm my way out of his grasp with my chakara-infused strength, but he was painfully forceful.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" I screeched. Normally, I would've kicked backwards, but something flowed into me, and I was frozen.

"Surprise, pinky. Oh, you know, we were never fully introduced!"

"I hate you."

"Aww, that fuckin' hurts! My name is Hidan! What's yours?"

I blinked. Hidan? I remember the council banishing a certain Hidan from the Heroes for deceit, but it was too long ago to fully remember. Well, I'm not exactly known for my amazing memory anyway…

"Let go and I'll be nice."

Not really expecting him to, I was surprised when he laughed and slipped away. I fell to the ground.

"Looking for this, pinky?" He held up my bow.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT, MAN-BITCH!"

I was able to snatch it out of his grasp just because he was laughing too hard, holding his stomach. When he bent over, I noticed the red clouds patterned on his black coat. I mentally slapped myself for not noticing sooner.

He belongs to the Akatsuki, a band of ex-heroes out for revenge. Some of our most powerful heroes were lost to them.

I looked upon Hidan with a small sense of revere, wondering why I wasn't laying in a pool of my own blood. I haven't been a hero long, just recently learning how to control my chakara. I was sure that he could've whipped my ass right then. Disturbing pictures flew into my head of that particular scene, and I gagged.

Hidan waved at me, and I realized in shock that he was getting away, taking my bow with him. He slung the stolen bag over his shoulder.

"We'll play next time, Archer!"

_He knew my name the whole time, _I quietly snapped.

I couldn't let him escape; I leapt into the air at the exact same moment as he did, my fist raised. He turned he shot out at me with my own bow, striking my in the stomach. I groaned and fell away, the bow jabbing me in the gut. I watched him fly away into the night, laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world.

I screamed profanity into the same black sky.

OoO~OoO

"Hey, Archer!"

I whirled on that disgustingly familiar voice, my mouth hanging open. Everyone within the five-person radius turned to stare at me. I wanted to rip his head off; I was supposed to go shopping incognito.

"Hidan!! Go away!"

Our paths were constantly crossing, much to my horror. I found him relatively harmless; unless you counted a few thefts and his ever-foul mouth, he wasn't much of significance to Akatsuki. He and I formed a cautious bond.

He approached with his signature smirk. His white wife-beater accented his lean, well-defined muscles. Girls stared and guys protectively drew their girlfriends away from him. I would've considered this hilarious if his stupid mouth wasn't threatening to reveal my secret identity to the world. I comically hit the back of his head.

"Yeah, I know that I look sooo much like Archer, right?"

He blinked and mumbled out a shaky "sure." The people turned away.

I tried to turn away too, but he trotted up next to me like some lovesick puppy. I feigned interest in an ugly, lime green top.

"Wow. That color could fuckin' sink Titanic," he said over my shoulder. I shoved the shirt in his face and moved on to the shoes.

"Go away, you freaky stalker."

Hidan laughed and threw the shirt to the ground, evoking growls from the janitor.

"A stalker knows where you live, which I don't."

"Yeah you do. You tried to steal my _lawn chairs _for god's sake. Why the hell did you need those anyway?"

"Okay, first of all, that was an accident. I fuckin' didn't know that you fuckin' lived there. Secondly, well, I really needed those lawn chairs."

I looked away as my eye started to twitch.

"You know what? I don't even want to know why you needed those. Ugh."

Someone screamed outside, followed by a crash and a squeal. Hidan arched his eyebrows and looked down at me expectantly. I groaned, trudging towards the dressing room. That's another sucky thing about being a hero; you're expected to fight on the fly.

I emerged, clothed in my traditional garb (Kakashi wouldn't listen to my protests).

"Damn girl. You know, you're fuckin' sexy in that."

I hit once more for good luck and ran outside. Some stared at me and the rest cheered.

"Archer!"

"Archer's here!"

"We're saved!"

I rolled my eyes and looked around, taking in the scene. I nearly dropped my bow, the arrow failing to materialize in my hand.

A green man stood in the middle of the street, strange, leaf-like objects sticking out around his head like a Venus flytrap. He devoured screaming people with his half black/white face. His black coat with red clouds confirmed his Akatsuki membership.

Hidan raced to my side, his face coloring.

"Damn it, Zetsu! You fuckin' idiot!"

I materialized an arrow out of the air and pulled it into my bow. Letting it fly was expected; his sinking into the ground was not. My arrow flew harmlessly over his head and embedded into a car behind him.

Confused, I looked around in nervousness.

"Archer!"

I turned in the direction of Hidan's voice just as the ground fell down all around me. I screamed and clawed air as Zetsu landed a hit on my shoulder. I flew backwards with terrifying force and slammed into a wall. The impact crumbled the bricks with an explosion; debris rained down all around me as I bit back the fiery pain that ripped through my backside. I only shot arrows; I wasn't tough like my other comrades. Compared to them, I basically had a human body.

Blood trickled down my lip as I stood through the haziness. I saw Hidan staring at me, his feet frozen in place. His face was torn.

I didn't have time to dwell on that, because Zetsu emerged through the wall to finish me off. I leapt to my feet and fumbled for my arrow, but his cold hand was around my ankle. I shrieked and finished summoning my arrow. Before he could use the leverage to slam me into the wall again, I jammed the poison arrow into his wrist. Blood spurted up at me and the monster recoiled, screaming. I sprinted away and grabbed another arrow.

I could see the poison beginning to take effect; Zetsu staggered and lopped in a drunk manner in my general direction. Even then, I could see the murderous hate building up inside his dead pupils. He sunk back down in the ground.

"Holy shit!"

My pulse sped up and I hyperventilated, my arrow in hand. Faster than I expected, Zetsu shot up with a terrifying war-cry in my face and reached for me. Taking no chances, I plunged the arrow deep and true into his heart.

Zetsu stood stiffly for a moment as blood began foaming at his mouth.

"Bitch…" he rasped before collapsing onto the ground.

Hidan ran to me, his pupils dilated. Zetsu looked to him through glassy eyes. I stared down at him with hardness.

"Hidan, finish her ooooff."

Hidan blinked and then inflated. His face was tortured as he glanced to me. I was too weary to materialize another arrow; I only took a step back.

Zetsu scowled at his hesitancy.

"What are you waiting for? Kill her!"

"Hidan, no. Please." I placed my hand over his shoulder and he leaned forward like the world was on his shoulders. "Hidan." I really wanted to hug him at that moment, take to pain away from his heavy eyes. "Please."

He glanced up at me with a genuine smile, not the pervy one he always flashed at me. I grinned back.

With a quick stroke of his lean arm, Zetsu was decapitated with a simple knife. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as blood pooled down around his cut.

The crowd cheered and clapped, hooted and screamed.

A wild ecstasy surged through me and I threw my arms around Hidan's neck despite my back pain and kissed his skin. He wrapped his arms around me and breathed into my hair, his sweet breath ruffling my messy bangs.

When we pulled away, his grin had me realizing that tears were spilling down my cheeks. He brushed them away with soft butterfly kisses and, honestly, I didn't care. Here was my own personal hero, providing me with the love I longed for so much.

Behind him, I saw other heroes. Naruto sulked bitterly as Ino, the pig, fumed angrily at Hidan's sexiness. Kakashi, with his lazy eyes, was grinning at me from behind his mask.

"That mother-fucker had been messing with me for a while," Hidan grumbled, toeing the head. I shuddered as it rolled away.

Hidan, back to his old, happy self, swooped me up and carried me over his shoulder. I playfully protested, basking in the sudden warmth that spread throughout my chest.

It was the kind of warmth that would tie me to this foul-mouthed ex-Akatsuki member forever.

OoO~OoO

"Goddamnit! Seriously?"

Kakashi looked at the ceiling and grinned.

"Does it look like I'm kidding?"

Hidan slipped an arm around my waist and, in usual clueless Hidan manner, smirked. I tried to swat him away, but he only held on tighter.

"So, I can be a hero again?"

I let the squeal I was holding in explode and I clumsily threw myself at Hidan. He laughed at caught my waist.

Kakashi threw me the letter that authorized Hidan's acceptance as an official Hero like he was before. I was so happy right now, I thought that I would get drunk off of excitement.

"Welcome back to the team," Kakashi drawled before leaving the room.

Hidan ducked to plant a kiss on my lips.

"Welcome home," I laughed before returning the kiss and his awaiting love.

OoO~OoO


End file.
